An Enforced Perimeno-PAUSE
I had a newly granted focus on continuing to build a business that I loved and truly believed in and I was…
FROZEN
Rendered immobile
No motivation, direction or faith in what I was doing.
A debilitating sense of inertia and a pervasive level of constant worrying.
18 months ago I spoke to my doctor about possibly being perimenopausal, having identified symptoms including and not limited to;
Rage
Irritability
General misery
Unrest in my relationship
Heavy periods
Generally being on an intense emotional roller coaster and unfortunately for them, I also dragged my partner along for the ride too.
Blood tests showed I was otherwise healthy but with slightly low oestrogen levels. Before trying HRT the doctor recommended a double dose of the mini-pill, in order to eliminate my cycle. This definitely had a positive impact;
No monthly craziness
No periods at all (whoop)
And an overall sense of steadiness
Doom and gloom lifted
No more murderous thoughts towards my partner who was just trying to love and support me.
However, a year and a half down the line it became clear that I needed more help. My doctor prescribed the HRT patch. Although I knew of friends who had experienced the benefits, I had no idea that that flimsy piece of sticky plastic was going to make such a huge change. Within 2 weeks the awful drenching night sweats stopped. No longer was I having to change in the middle of the night and then sleep on a towel. Brain fog and word blindness also quickly improved and the general feeling of unrest and constant worrying about the future lifted too. This all enabled me to start taking steps forward, however small.
I am now almost 5 months into the HRT and I am still realising that I no longer feel the things I had come to accept as reality. I had decided to totally give up coaching and working for myself, instead I started looking for jobs. I can see now that this probably wasn’t the best course of action for someone who has been self employed for over 20 years, but at the time it seemed like the only viable option. I just felt I didn’t have the energy or the desire to work for myself anymore. Luckily, a couple of disastrous interviews and unsuccessful applications, coupled with the HRT kicking in and I soon became aware that that person who wanted a 9-5 wasn’t actually me, it was a bizarre perimenopausal version of me that was coming from a place of fear and insecurity.
I don’t think I am totally out of the woods yet; I’m still putting forks in the fridge and forgetting the word for saucepan, but without a doubt the HRT has given me back my drive, restored my self belief and enabled me to start seeing the wood for the trees.The HRT has absolutely exceeded all my expectations and I am so relieved to feel capable and like my true self once again.
I know that HRT isn’t for everyone and that others might find more holistic and natural remedies or supplements helpful. It goes without saying that I am not a doctor or in any position to give medical advice. However I will say…
DON’T SUFFER IN SILENCE
DON’T JUST PUT UP WITH IT
DON’T ACCEPT THINGS THAT YOU KNOW AREN’T NORMAL FOR YOU.
If one doctor doesn’t listen or won’t support you, ask to see someone else. Do your research, there are loads of books about now. I read Dr Lousie Newson’s book “The Definitive Guide to the Perimenopause and Menopause, which although pretty dry and a bit repetitive, it was straightforward and fairly helpful.
Be open and honest with your partner, family and friends. I found that explaining what and how I was feeling enabled them to support me more, as well as eliminating any unhelpful “mind reading” I may have ended up doing about how they felt about me and my behaviour.
Talk about how things are for you, say it out loud. Don’t just accept that you might be feeling a bit shit or even just a little bit “off”. Listen to your body, it could be trying to tell you something.
